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'Need' has been a word that has become a bit maligned in recent years especially when used in the terms of a relationship between a man and a woman. A derogatory remark that is often heard is he or she is just too 'needy.' I'm not really sure exactly what 'too needy' is. How does 'too needy' relate to 'not needy enough' or just-right needy'? How much need is too much? And what kind of needs are we talking about?
The thing about all relationships is that they are built upon some kind of need. If there wasn't a need to be fulfilled then the relationship would never come into being in the first place.
Each person begins a relationship with their own needs uppermost in their minds. A person NEEDS a friend, a companion, a date for an event or they have another kind of empty spot in their life and so they seek out another person to fulfill that need.
For example: think about the need that your friendships fill in your world. You enjoy the company of your friends. You want to be able to share music, sporting events, concerts, interests and hobbies with your friends. They are fulfilling your need but you are also fulfilling their need.
Need fulfillment is a two-way street in every human relationship. When one party fails to fulfill the needs of the other, the relationship will either end or it will change dramatically. Think of the parent/child relationship. When we are children we need for our parents to feed us, cloth us and shelter and protect us. They love us and they need to do those things for us. When we grow up we no longer need for them to take care of us. We need for them to be proud of us and respect us. They need for us to be proud of them and to respect them. The relationship has changed dramatically because the needs changed.
This same kind of mutual need and need fulfillment is the basis for relationships between adult men and women as well. Each partner has needs and the other partner is there to fulfill those needs. If a partner fails to fulfill the needs of the other, the relationship will either end or it will have to change dramatically.
You know what your needs are. You may even have given a great deal of thought to what your needs are and what it will take to fulfill those needs. Many people do just that. They can go on at great length about what they want from a relationship but never give a thought or mention a word about what they expect to put into the relationship to fulfill the needs of their partner.
I'm really big on the importance of honest communication between partners. The lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings that could often be avoided if a situation had been talked about. You know what needs you are expecting your partner to fulfill but it is equally important that you understand what needs that your partner expects you to fulfill for them. They DO have needs and they DO expect you to fulfill those needs or they wouldn't be in the relationship in the first place.
The solution is simple. Ask. Simply ask questions and really listen to answers. Give and receive information. When you understand what your partner's needs are you can fulfill those needs and when your partner understand what you want and expect from the relationship, they can fulfill your needs. After all, that is what relationships are about...fulfilling needs.